Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just cropdusted the office
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
