those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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