My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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