Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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