So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
