he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
