i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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