Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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