You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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