Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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