You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
