i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
