i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
