well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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