I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
