yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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