tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
