chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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