believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
