I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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