I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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