I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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