Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
