Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
