he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
