if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
