I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
