I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
