dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
