the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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