I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
