Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
