wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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