Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
