I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm always down for nudity.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
