There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
