So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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