At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
