Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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