you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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