I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My bed smells like the plague
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