"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
