What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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