I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
