i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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