I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
