The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
