My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
