...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
