for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
