i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
