I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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