No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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