She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
