Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
